Adios.. Part II

From: Bharde, Madhumita 

Sent: Friday, January 19, 2024 4:34 PM 

To: Madhumita Bharde

Subject: Adios! 

About a month back, as I was strolling around Stanford campus & nearby, I bumped into this plaque:

I have been part of a few prominent institutions and visited some iconic places (I am sure we all have) and honestly, I never know how to verbalize the emotion to the tee. 

Reflecting back over 7+ years is not easy, especially if you are not good at delineating work & life. It’s a hodgepodge of overwhelming feelings.

There’s a sense of pride to get to be a tiny part of the legacy, a feeling of gratitude for collective experiences towards our missions and if I may say so, a bit of a regret for mistakes and missed opportunities. 

If professional life were to be a book, this chapter was pivotal for me. Sometimes a page-turner, at times perplexing but always insightful. 

If it were a TV show, the HPE episode defied genre; it had a bit of everything: adventure, drama, comedy and most importantly, feel-good. 

If imagined like a game, the level was something special. There were easy points collected & surprise treasures found but there was also digging deep & knocking on doors and going back to the square one to start all over again. 

I think you get the idea 😊 Whatever analogy you may want to use, I have come to realize: it’s not necessarily about what the protagonist accomplishes, but more about how the journey changes him/her. 

Thank you for it all: the gamut of experiences ranging from challenging to rewarding. I have learnt of a lot of invaluable lessons, at least in theory; and hopefully I will be able to put them in practice. 

I am so glad I took this turn in my path and looking forward to what’s around the next corner. Wish each of you all the very best for your own journey! 

~ Madhumita

Adios..

Honestly, I find it quite hard to record my day on the designated page in the journal. How do you even begin to capture the years gone by? Human memory is a super-complicated, unreliable business - and so meaningful reflection is a tricky one. Add to that the sentimentality of change and parting. Given all that, I was surprised by the love I got for both my farewell e-mails, including from people I least expected it from. It's not like I took writing these e-mails super-seriously, but I was conscious about not following a standard (and boring?) professional template. As paradoxical as it sounds, I have always believed that the content that makes the most universal impression is the content that's most personal and comes from a true, deep place within.
So with that bold claim, here's hoping that these somewhat resonate with any reader in general -

From: Bharde, Madhumita
Sent: Friday, January 31, 2020 10:55 AM
To:
Subject: Farewell

In hindsight, three and a half years feels like a stint of a perfect duration. It’s neither a blur, nor a drag. It’s short enough to be sweet and long enough to have a lingering presence.

Numerous of our days were so long; yet somehow, as I look back, these years feel short. We discussed, we disagreed, we debated – but more importantly, we worked hard, we learnt, we delivered.

                                                                                                                                                                     

I wish I could have done this without letting my honesty, passion and impatience (for lack of a better word) affect you in whatever way they did, if they did - but frankly speaking, I have just not known it any other way.

So you may well choose to remember me for my resting face, annoyingly loud voice and strong opinions ; but it would be the exact opposite for me – I genuinely felt a sense of warmth, camaraderie and togetherness.

Thank you so much for the opportunities, interactions and experiences. I have a strong feeling that these years shifted something critical in my professional life – although I won’t be able to articulate exactly what.

                                

Wish you all the very best! I am and will be HCI InfoSight team’s biggest (both, literally and figuratively J) cheerleader.

~ Madhumita

From: Bharde, Madhumita Sunil
Sent: Tuesday, August 16, 2016 12:48 PM
To:
Subject: Farewell

On one of my early days as a New College Graduate, as we were sitting down in cafeteria having our customary afternoon tea, my mentor (who I absolutely adore) told me — working in NetApp is like a roller-coaster ride. I smirked. I thought of myself as perfectly capable of being selectively engaged and disengaged, of switching off and on as required. Fast forward to seven(!) years later, I know exactly what she meant by those highs and lows, better than ever. 

There were early mornings when I could not wait to get to office and there were countless late-late nights. We have all been there, done that. After all, this is a kind of workplace which makes you develop a strong sense of ownership and belonging to work, people and surroundings. Case in point: as I was running around in the morning with my exit checklist, a security guard met me in the elevator, asked if today was my last day and gave me a warmest of smiles.

I feel a sense of deep gratitude, pride and fondness. It’s overwhelming.

Goodbyes are hard. But what is a journey without a sense of change? And what is life, if not a journey?   

~ Madhumita

Look who's s..talking!

Unfortunately, the idea of all-female bonding/companionship is reduced to salons and shopping sprees and recipes. (I wish I were writing a post to clear that air - but not-to-be!) Gotta stress it - the best thing about being part of an all-girls gang, unequivocally, is the stories that get shared.

So trust me, by your late twenties, you have heard enough of them..  You have been told (in great detail, mind you!) about the classmate who pedals his cycle along the bus your friend travels in, every single day after school. And everybody (except the teacher, of course!) in the class is stifling a good laugh over the boy constantly staring at the most beautiful girl, with a full 180-degree head-turn...

And so, when a guy makes his constant presence felt by sitting on the table right opposite yours in office cafeteria every day, every meal, without fail, you should be able to deal with it, right?

May depend on whether you have considered such a possibility ever.. (I understand this ain’t no frivolous matter.. but only people who ever call me pretty are car/bus chauffeurs in the US. I have no clue why this is a pattern - simply because I am not worthy of even the most generous use of the compliment; but whatever.. I can do with some harmless flirting once in a while: one of the main reasons I am looking forward to my US trip ;)). The thing is - in professional settings, there are really no barriers and you do get plenty of avenues to strike (mostly pointless) conversations with people. So all of this just did not make any sense. However, I can say with confidence that this particular gentleman, who I do not know to this day, made it clear in no uncertain mannerisms that he was, sort of, stalking me…

With what intent and to what end, I did not know. He had no way of knowing anything even remotely substantial about me – except that I vaguely remember having a chance encounter with his constant companion/friend (again, somebody I didn't and don't know), as he intervened in an argument that had something to do with Sarita Devi returning her Olympic medal and the way boxing judges function. The problem is - when I get excited and want to make a point (low knowledge levels notwithstanding), I am known to get really loud. So, for example, when it’s the Cricket being discussed during lunch, all tables around ours know about my “views” on Dhoni’s nonchalance while stumping the batsmen out.. or the stretch of Bhuvi’s left wrist while Bowling.. or how AB manages to create more memorable match scripts than Virat.. or some such pure nonsense for the Cricketing world. 

I digress... coming back to the episode: essentially, I couldn’t wrap my head around whatsoever this person’s problem was. It’s been a while but I remember going through the entire spectrum of emotions – flattered, amused, disturbed, annoyed, disgusted... Thankfully for me, one thing I wasn’t, was: “confused” – maybe a result of having such experience so late, maybe having had all doors closed to possibilities. Whatever. Actually speaking, confusion – is not a state that easily comes to me. I might have been right or wrong; but one thing I have always had, especially when it comes to my personal matters, is clarity.. (Try dealing with your dad when he is almost dragging you to admissions’ counselling because you scored well on medical entrance and can get into a very good government college.)

As I pointed out, I honestly did not want to know a lot; but a situation like this always throws question-marks. You are entitled to an explanation! However sorted you might be; over time, it becomes like this random, nagging, out-of-control thing that’s occupying your mind-space with absolutely no purpose. I can’t even imagine what it does to adolescent girls/boys (not denying that it’s a bidirectional phenomenon, but you would agree it’s probably lopsided). I have obviously restricted myself to stalking that occurs without any malicious intent/design by the stalker (would be good to understand his/her reasons - I can only guess some shyness and awkwardness), but nevertheless ends up causing disturbance to the stalked..

At times like this, I realize how paramount frank, open communication is and feel deeply sorry for the then-blissfully-unaware and regressive past version of myself for having teased, snubbed at, frowned over, passed comments on or even just thought derisively about, couples (or non-couples, for that matter), just chatting or hanging out together. Let's face it - it's completely futile to point fingers at film industry, conservative upbringing or cultural barriers... Fortunately, metro cities of India have, somewhat managed to transition to a better phase in this regard. Let's hope small towns and villages follow the course sooner rather than later.  

A Triumph of Egglessness

I have been an indirect-eggetarian. Well, cakes are just too sacred to be missed out on; egg or no egg, occasion or no occasion.  For a household which did not consume onion, eggplant(?!) and garlic four months (“chaturmas”) a year, getting eggs in the kitchen even once a year took a considerable amount of rebelliousness, cajoling and whatnot (“saam-daam-danda-bhed”). I have to confess: despite all the knowledge one has at disposal in today’s age, till about very recently I did believe that homemade cakes just don’t rise satisfactorily without eggs. I definitely was missing something: turns out, in both with and without egg cases. Because though I avoided openly admitting to it, deep down I disliked the egg smell - especially in homemade version of the cake.

Let me clarify – my dislike isn’t founded on (a) disgust or (b) (misguided) principles. (Or so I would like to think.) I have watched way too much of MasterChef to have any of (a) left. And in principle, I still wholeheartedly agree with “Jeevo jeevasya jeevanam” – a (living) being, being a life for another (living) being. Apparently not so whole-stomachly though - I haven’t had a strong desire, or need, to try any non-vegetarian food. And while we are on principles, “To each his/her own” is #1 on my list (easier listed than followed ;)). Whatever - I just mostly try not to bother too much. And so when a hard-core non-vegetarian friend of mine cited the reason of “ecological foot-print” for turning to vegetarianism, I only had a high-level/rough idea of what he meant... “Sapiens” by Yuval Noah Harari, an absolute masterpiece of a book, provided me a much-needed deep-dive. Harari describes how the food chain is being significantly altered and manipulated by “Sapiens” with the modern-day assembly-line-esque meat, egg and dairy industry (yep, there is a powerful case to be made for veganism too, but one step at a time!). If the description is intended for any effect, I guarantee you extreme disturbance and distress. Apart from ecology, there are huge animal-psychology and animal-rights angles to the whole thing. (Let this not mislead you into believing that, this, in any way, is the central idea of the book – because it most certainly is not.)

You are, being misled, though – I am sensing an impression as if this is my foray into advocating vegetarianism. Naah! I mostly just wanted to convey/show-off my relatively recent discovery of ample recipes of eggless cakes which turn out perfectly well!  I have always rated myself as an average/reasonably-good cook in a conventional sense, but baking is an altogether different  and specialized ballgame. It demands precision, patience, practice and persistence of the tallest order. So if you are armed with all that and equipped with recipes like [1] [2] [3] [4], you can probably bake the world a better place! J

[1] Top-left - Custard Powder Cake: http://www.padhuskitchen.com/2014/12/custard-powder-cake-recipe-eggless.html

[2] Top-right - Dates, Walnut & Coffee Cake: 
http://www.vegrecipesofindia.com/eggless-dates-walnut-coffee-cake

[3] Bottom-left - Vanilla Cardamom Sponge-cake:  http://foodviva.com/dessert-recipes/eggless-vanilla-sponge-cake/

[4] Bottom-right - Apple Cake: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=154EZGtup8o

Then and Now..

Time takes toll on all friendships; even the best ones fail to endure its test. Chats get occasional; phone calls, few and far between; get-togethers, rare. They say you should accept the best times of your life as nice, little, finite chapters and just move on.  Can’t be helped - people disperse; but memories are locked in for ever.. Once in a while, it’s nice to open that box, to reminisce and ponder over paths these lives take.

Ten years is a long long time.. People transform – in appearance and outlook (but this journey down the memory lane would have me believe the very core of the person still remains the same). So here goes a very subjective (and judgemental – can’t help) then-and-now view of a bunch of crazy friends I made during the best two years of my life.

Anish

Then: A stereotypical nerd. Razor sharp wit and memory often practiced to the point of exhaustion and annoyance of everybody around..  

Now: Still all those things; plus the only reason I am aware of Taher-Shahs and Dhinchak-Poojas [sic] of the world.

Gaurav

Then: A definition of laid back, easygoing, happy-go-lucky. A thorough gentleman. I am yet to meet a soul who was intentionally hurt by this guy.

Now: (From where I see..) could not have married a more similar person. I have a feeling they might score perfect on those compatibility tests. My only complaint with him is that he never has time to meet! (Can’t believe I haven’t yet seen his daughter.)

Manasi

Then: My most favorite room-mate (that’s saying a lot.. and she knows it!). A typical first bencher. Always in a hurry to do something, get somewhere. Watching those Federer-Nadal matches in Bharani hostel’s TV room with her are some of my fondest memories from IISc days.

Now: A person who busts the myth of you-cannot-do-it-all. And doing it all also includes running around Tanmay, her 4-year old son! BTW, I am still a bit a(u)nt-sy that she did not take my suggestion for his name. You have to agree with me on this - Amol+Manasi = Aman would have been (admittedly a bit Brangelina style, but) so perfect!

Mukta

Then: A madcap. Her definition of “wild” was eating bhuttas (roasted corn) on the streets of Malleshwaram. (That reminds me-) A girl with erratic, whimsical and worrisome diet and sleep patterns. On a more selfish note, a person I absolutely needed to meet. There is a lot to be grateful for here that’s hard to put into words - she had an impact on me in ways that I cannot possibly ever recognize or acknowledge.  

Now: I am hoping Aditya has managed to make her diet regime more humane. After years of professional commitments forcing them to juggle between continents, they finally seem to have (somewhat) settled in Oxford. Last time we met, I told her she is getting ever wiser and wiser (except that idea of seriously considering life-long post-doc). All in all, a major envy alert!

Onkar

Then: The chosen one to have a face like Danielle Radcliffe. He is one of those people you would want to strike an argument with, just for the fun of it. Our fights about him terming Nadal as the GOAT were legendary and brutal.

Now: No longer the chosen one - as male-pattern baldness seems to be catching up fast on him ;). And I am guessing Samta is using the argumentative side of hers to her most amusement. Also, how surreal that the GOAT part is still unsettled. Or is it?

Pallavi

Then: A sweetheart. A poster-girl of ideal daughter, sister, friend (and all such other titles you can think of). This is the kind that usually irks me a little because I can’t stand it when others take advantage of them.

Now: Still a sweetheart, who now conscientiously decides to be well-behaved. I like this version of hers even better.

Prajakta:

Then: Rumor has it that she made grey sweaters (in)famous on campus. For years, I have been planning to sit her down and explain how she is a model example of what they call – a fundamental attribution error. Or how aptitude is nothing without attitude (and all those similar things..)

Now: She continues to bear the brunt of my worst versions just because of (what I think is) sheer indiscipline and laziness. Enough of all that, though. Here comes the best part – in spite of having seen me play badminton, swim and dance (and some of it in 15kg heavier version of me), she thinks I have a “swag” about me. Just for that legendary comment, she warrants my life-long unconditional love. Not kidding, I hope she knows I was and will always be sincerely rooting for her. 

Pushkaraj

Then: A classic case of spending energy and talent in trivial pursuits, for the most part. A compiler of comprehensive database of all girls around campus. As a follow-up, also one of the pioneers of transforming Marathi Mandal in a marriage bureau.

Now: Another person on list of people-who-get-onto-my-nerves. Don’t even get me started. Yesterday, he interrogated me on effectiveness of my Aloe Vera gel, almost gave me a lesson on selection of right kadhai type (I promptly changed it) and told me that iPad user experience is below par. I cannot fathom how Pallavi manages to stand him 24x7. (BTW, what a lucky ******* to have patao-ed her!). On a more respectable note, so happy that both of them have completed their PhDs and ready to move abroad to do their post-docs. (Lately, I have this realization that I am going to feel truly alone once they do so.) I know deep down that I will miss them the most.

Ravi

Then: Weirdly enough (because I still don’t completely understand why exactly we got along so well), my closest confidant through the years. My go-to sounding board. With his in-your-face honesty and sarcasm, at times, he gave me an impression that he probably understood me better than I understood myself. [Convenient-slip-in-alert:] He once told me I am like a coconut – hard on the outside but all soft and mushy inside. That was an one-off thing, though. I mostly just hated it when he was right.

Now: A little birdie told me one of the things worrying him (I know Juthika is no part of this) the most these days is how to avoid his friends from taking temporary shelter at their place in bay area. (I am just going to ignore this detail in my next trip) Here’s hoping we get to catch up sometime soon!

Swati

Then: First things first- I have recently been informed that outsiders regarded her as the beauty queen of Marathi Mandal! A girl with heart on her sleeve. I mean, come on, she liked Mysore the second we stepped out of the bus. Best part- she was the only other person who knew all old Hindi and Marathi songs by heart and would have me ruin them with her. All in all, though, I gave her some really tough time with all my incessant jibes and japes.

Now:  Where is this girl?  The last memory I have of her is our big showdown on which movie is better – Ram-Leela or Hasee Toh Phasee. I concede a movie date is not negotiable anymore. But surely, we could just meet at a coffee shop (that sells only one type of it).

Vinay

Then: My partner-in-crime in convincing people to get out for trips and treks.  Apart from being unfairly talented, he had this aura of calm and peace around himself – a combination so rare.  Unarguably the person who managed to call me “Mita” the best way.

Now: Busy, busy, busy. I am told he has lately spent more time with his lab-monkeys than with humans. Anyway, amongst whatever humans he is hanging around with, I am certain he is the most admired and loved. Well, I am guessing the inner-peace situation must have gone for a toss since Prajakta came around.

Vishal

Then: He could talk to anybody and everybody, and anybody and everybody (read, mostly girls) wanted to talk anything and everything with him. Which also meant he was the glue holding the group together – I will give him that;  but I honestly don’t know why we let him boss around so much. E.g. Not that he was a typical Mumbaikar in any definition of the word, but for some reason he cracked up way too many jokes on me being a small-town (actually his exact word was “village”) girl. (For the record, Satara is a major district place and may even get a Maha-Nagar-Palika soon! True story.). Seriously - my laptop, my accent, my looks, nothing was spared... So this is my time to expose him: Apparently, his mother once asked him not to open a new 100gm carton of Amul butter and manage with the current one; but he would hear none of it. Aunty then warned him that if he opens the new carton, he will have to eat all of the butter. This guy - he had the entire thing sandwiched in two slices of bread. Eww! (Not that it’s needed; but to put it in perspective,) he directly consumed the amount of butter in five minutes, that I may not have consumed in last five years! The day I heard this incident, I made a note to myself not to (for the lack of better phrase) take any panga with this guy.

Now: Still a glue that manages to get people together. I don’t have a first-hand account of his interest in Australians and vice-versa, yet. The tables have turned a little bit - I am more on the offensive side and he is more on the sensitive side. I am not sure if I completely like it that way, though. 

Cheers, guys and gals! Here's to a decade of friendship..

A Theory for Everything

They say if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But then they also say if you aren’t moving forward, then you are moving backward.

If all good things come to those who wait, what do they mean by time and tide waiting for none?

If birds of a feather flock together, how is it that opposites attract?

If out of sight means out of mind, how does absence make the heart grow fonder?

If action speaks louder than words, how, if I may ask, is pen mightier than the sword?

Is more, really the merrier or do too many cooks spoil the broth?

Proverbs are these time-tested nuggets of theories passed down through generations. Turns out there is one to suit every occasion - to justify everything and anything. Is it surprising, at all then, that proverbial wisdom contradicts itself so much?

And what do they normally say when these theories don’t work?

· The Context argument: The situational dispositions are to blame. This is the classic asterisk of “T & C apply”. The problem is, situational factors are often way too many and mostly unknown, so what good are the rules anyway?

·  The Exception argument*: Exceptions only prove the rule. WHAT? HOW?

· The Moderation argument*: Don’t go to extremes while adopting rules but maintain a balance -- like those boon-or-bane essays in high-school that always used to end by recommending "middle-ground" and "thoughtfulness".

Here's the thing: man’s unrelenting search for meaning and explanation has meant survival, sophistication and splendid, splendid progress. However, some argue we have taken it a bit too far, with all our excessive self-assurance. The not-so-intelligent application of abstract reasoning, whether inductive (establishing generic rules from specific observations) or deductive (exploiting general theories to get to specific conclusions) has led to us being "narrow-minded slaves of logic".

The problem is that we often try to attach a sense of universality and timelessness to the conventionally acquired wisdom. Karl Popper, a prominent philosopher, relied on falsifiability of theories – he propounded that all theories have a permanent sense of uncertainty and should be considered only "tentatively" true. Any number of positive evidences do not make the theory permanently true whereas a single negative evidence is decisive and implies that a new theory is needed for explanation of the phenomenon. This is a paradigm shift; more like turning traditional idea about knowledge on its head - (this might be a poor example, but) imagine a legal system that never completely acquits the defendant and names the person only tentatively innocent for all his life.

Are we doomed then? Are we to understand it’s all always going to be ambiguous? Is Popper suggesting we can't completely anticipate/explain things and so must resign our quest of knowledge to this meaninglessness? 

Quite the opposite, actually. 

There's a fine line between skepticism and gullibility and that's ideally where you want to be. I guess what he is saying is -

It’s less about knowing, and more about learning.

Less about believing, more about seeking.

Less about reaching, more about exploring.

Less about the destination, more about the journey.

PS:

*Nassim Nicholas  Taleb's (henceforth referred to as NNT) “The Black Swan” is the most influential non-fiction book I have ever read. As opposed to conventional wisdom that recommends ignoring exceptions, removing outliers and fitting “normal” “models”, NNT stresses the importance of studying rare events and fat-tailed distributions for a broader and deeper long-term understanding. (Actually, this whole area of complex systems, chaos and nonlinear dynamics seems very very relevant across all domains and theories). NNT, in fact, advocates dealing in extremes for achieving optimal results. (Truth be told, Mathematics throws me off a little bit lately, what I understand is that the best thing for me is to alternate between Quattro Formaggi Burst and fasting ;)). Anyway, it's only fitting that people either completely adore or loathe his school of thought. :)

Incredible !ndia

Apparently, Priyanka Chopra is lobbying hard for the role of brand ambassador of the Incredible !ndia campaign. I would doubt authenticity of anything that comes on Zoom TV, but I was genuinely pleased at some level. Don’t get me wrong -- we are all proud Indians; but it’s not very often you get to hear of people going out of their way to associate themselves with brand India. (Slightly besides the point -- but from what I hear, it's sort of a symbiotic equation, the person probably gains as much in terms of popularity from being the face of the campaign, if not more.)

And is it high time brand India is vindicated! I am not delusional and I don't deny that things (standards of living, infrastructure to name a couple) need improvement -- but what needs to be revamped manifolds is the image of India that has been projected for decades. -- the stereotype perpetuated by activists, NGOs, film-makers, writers (and Indians might actually be more guilty of this than foreigners). I mean, for God's sake, thousands don't die of hunger, or of leprosy (or of anything, really!) on pavements along streets of Kolkata... Neither is half of Mumbai occupied by slums. Need I go on?

Let’s specifically consider the context of tourism in India. Now, I can’t claim to be much of a traveler and USA is the only other country I have been to (so naturally she has to bear all the brunt of comparison :) ). And so what, if you aren’t going to give me enough credit for being objective about all this -- but as much as I was impressed by architectural gems that skyscrapers of Manhattan are; I was even more blown away by beautiful temples of Dwaraka and Somnath (may be it has got to do with my preference for details over scale)... Bridges are my most favorite man-made structures and you possibly don’t get more iconic than Golden Gate or Brooklyn in that department, but Howrah just convincingly beat them on “personality” (especially if you are into taking long walks)! Where do you think I would choose to go back  – meadows of central park or idyllic tea plantations of Munnar? Rock Creek Park in all its glorious wilderness or coconut orchards along western coast? Very honestly, it would be great to experience the new year’s eve at jam-packed Times’ Square, but boy, do I wish I get to experience company of millions chanting at Kumbhamela or (Jagannath Puri's) Rath yatra at least once in this lifetime! 

I understand it’s unfair to continue along those lines -  to compare these different experiences; but the point I am trying to get across is that there is just so much India has to offer. India has things so unique and diverse than those cliches of colors and spirituality -- Magnificent Humayun's Tomb. Majestic Red Fort. Marvelous Mysore Palace. Gorgeous Hawa Mahal. Imposing Stupas of Sarnath. Tranquil Belur Math. Pristine Victoria Memorial... (Well, I have earned my fair share of bragging rights, you see!). Truly and frankly, we don’t seem to be doing a good job of promoting tourism for India. Just slogans and ads and posters aren't enough. It has to get into our DNA at a much more fundamental and subliminal level. Like that guide accompanying us on night tour of Washington DC, who would go on and on about FDR and Eleanor, about JFK and Jackie. It mattered not that it was freezing cold as we stood by the memorial – “Lincoln is my man” was argued with such conviction and passion - almost as if the guy personally knew him from previous birth! Freedom Trail tour in Boston is done with such flamboyance, it feels like a broadway show with colonial times back on the streets! Contrast that to our guide in Jaipur who won’t stop talking about locations at spectacular Amber Palace with references to shooting of Bollywood movies! 

How I wish we had a formal observation deck that offers aerial view of Queen’s necklace and Worli Sea-link somewhere in Mumbai -- because trust me, the view of New York City from Empire State building is truly breathtaking and not at all overrated! In Capitol, you get to watch a dazzling A/V that showcases America and her history -- I could think of at least five places in India where something like this makes perfect sense -- but only similar experience I recall is watching a brilliant video in Akshardham temple in Gandhinagar. I am not into spirituality much, but even with the unique experiences on offer – whether it’s aarti at Ganga ghats or dips in triveni sangam at Prayag, holy cities of Varanasi and Allahabad are big-time let-downs and need to be taken back to the drawing board if they are to be world-class tourist attractions. I could have spent all ten days I had in DC around National Mall  going through those incredible museums.. and a weekend was nowhere near enough to go through MET in NYC. And in comparison, museums at world heritage sites across India feel so under-stated and under-funded. Why can’t we take a more academic and methodical approach to celebrate our culture, art and history?

Of all the campaigns going around, I sincerely want this one to succeed the most. And though I believe that externally oriented portrayal of India needs a makeover, I do not think wooing foreigners should necessarily be the major focus here. An aspirational upper middle class emerging in today’s India is much more easily approachable target audience that could help prosper and in turn further evangelize brand India. Sometimes we seem to forget -- for one sixth of the world's population, India is already the greatest country on earth.. And why not -- tell me one other place where love gets as “wonder"ful as this:

If..

If you can lose your head as all around you  

    Are losing theirs and jamming in on you,  

If you can t(h)rust the wheel when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their cussing too;  

If you can tailgate and not be tired by "corner-cutting"

    Or being honked about, indulge in a quick brawl,

Or being hated, don’t ever give way to those who're following

    And yet don’t look too rude, nor talk too foul:

If you can be reckless—and not make traffic lights your master,

    If you can dodge potholes —and not make sticking-to-lanes your aim;  

If you can ignore indicators and zebra crossings

    And treat those two distractors just the same;   

If you can bear to see lorries sauntering

    And avoid speed-breakers created as traps for fools,

Or watch footpaths being encroached, dividers being broken,

    And stoop lower to disregard all rules:

If you can finally find enough space to squeeze-in

    And risk it on one unpredictable sharp turn of the city-bus,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And just swear a word or two about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To take the unauthorized U-turn well before traffic police are gone,  

And so don't hold on when they confront you

    Just wear your mischievous smile :), wink ;) and speed on..

If you can hustle with other cars with pedal on the metal

    Or bustle with bikes — nor mind as those mirrors touch,

If neither auto-drivers nor taxi-drivers can hurt you,

    If men in your car count on you, but none too much;

If you can utilize that rare empty stretch

    at hundred kmph worth of distance run,  

Coz yours is the road and everything that’s on it,  

    And—which is more—you’ll be home, my son!

Advisory Creeps..

It must have been Australian Open 2016. As players were warming up with their rallies and the camera panned on Federer’s box, the commentator argued if Ivan Ljubicic has the easiest job in the world. "Does Ivan", he said, "have anything to do as coach after all, when it’s The Great Roger Federer as his student?"

At one of these nondescript conferences I attended last year, I got into an informal discussion with students from prestigious engineering colleges of Bengaluru.. I am totally amazed by the mind-boggling clarity kids from today’s metros have, apart from that unmistakable street-smart quality. One of them came to me later and said: “I feel so inspired just talking to you. Could you please give me some career advice?” My very first instinct was to slap her. NOT kidding.

A couple of months ago, I was summoned to mediate an argument between a married couple. I am, normally, perfectly capable of a flat-out, in-your-face refusal in such matters but the situation came across as quite grim. Now, asking me relationship/marriage advice is like asking sex advice to a virgin. But for some weird reason best known to them, they trusted my ability to resolve the conflict in an unbiased manner. Did I say “resolve"? Because this wasn’t my first time doing such thing and I knew what I was signing up for.. These matters typically don’t have a beginning or an end. I was called up just after an early dinner and must have been there till wee hours of the morning.. But as I was sitting there, trying to hear out both sides, I felt like seasons changed outside the window. There were moments of deafening cries, shouts and even more deafening silences.. In the heat of those moments, things were said, that were not meant. And everything just kept getting worse and worse. Where/why/how it began had become irrelevant few minutes into the fight -  all graveyards of all towns around the world were dug - repeatedly.
So many issues started coming to the fore, I lost track of how to reconcile and process this incomplete and asymmetric information. I say so — because (though getting into too many specifics would be wrong) as it turns out, the wife is a trained lawyer - particularly fierce, emotionally charged, brutally argumentative, also gifted with extraordinary memory and an innate ability to attend to minutest of details.. and the husband - an awkward, intuitive, shy, easy-going software engineer (a lot more to be read between just those two words: boring and easily bored, lazy.. you know this list.). It was quite a struggle to navigate his frame of mind and understand his side in the matter and then it was about connecting too many dots to make it a consistent, sensible view. And did I mention that — all this while, it all just felt WRONG on so many levels. I had no right to be there, in the first place. The wife definitely had a “case” but then - she is a closer friend of mine and more mature of the two. I knew I was being harsh on her while giving out my.. well, so-called "advice".

I couldn’t easily come to terms with what I did. I was a sleep-deprived zombie for the next few days.

Quite clearly, then -- Gone are my manipulative (yet coming from a genuine and caring place) ways of proactively discouraging people from inviting what seemed like a disaster for them.  Not that I don’t care about near and dear ones anymore. I guess I must just be growing up from those days of blurting out unsolicited opinions with an easy air of overconfidence.

These days, on the contrary, I prefer the cozy warmth of my shell. But then people force me to come out of hibernation in an advisory capacity. And then it’s just plain grueling -- I doubt if I am not doing enough or doing too much. I wonder if I am helping the subjects involved or unknowingly harming them. If it all works out, I don’t feel like the credit belongs to me but if it doesn’t, the blame somehow feels all mine. I am constantly second-guessing myself and so an imposed responsibility with an unfounded and powerful trust like this is just a bit too burdensome. Call me selfish all you want, but taking part in a battle that isn’t yours is taxing, to say the least. You are pretty much handicapped and yet expected to pull off a win. I don’t know how people do it.

So, as he sits in that player’s box, Ivan would be thinking if he could, rather, enter the arena and face Djokovic all by himself.
My “advice" to him, you ask?: "Take up commentating."
Now, there, in fact, we have a real contender for the easiest job in the world.

By Miss Take..

Read an article a few months ago. I think it was Deccan Herald (has been my favourite for an uncharacteristically long time now). Apparently, some schools in UK have decided to ban erasers in classrooms, deeming them “Instruments of the devil". That's because they want students to own their mistakes and correct them. Not hide them or shy away from them!

Have you watched this movie called “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”? (Uff! What are you doing, reading this stupid blog?!) I will take the liberty of spoiling it for you (the way it suits my narrative): There's this couple, madly in love with each other, they get together..  Reality hits: things don't work out; they decide to go their separate ways. But it’s all so tempestuous they just can't move on. Both of them undergo a procedure to artificially erase each other from memory.. And as it eventually turns out, they fall in love with each other all over again.

I am often guilty of relishing in textbook romance but the claim here is not surrender-to-your-destiny or meant-to-be-will-be or everything-happens-for-a-reason. I would think most of us would strongly, firmly advocate against divine intervention. So let’s, at least for an argument’s sake, go with — you made/let things happen. When you have different outcomes than what you wished for — with benefit of hindsight and a supposedly uncluttered brain, it’s easy to objectify, internalize and see an irrational, fallible self in your past. It’s recommended to acknowledge your mistakes and derive some insight, learning and if possible, even a bit of detached amusement.

The problem is: somewhere in the process, we get into this vicious phase of self-deprecation, anguish, and repentance. Looking back at things, we tend to judge our actions alone but we lose perspective a little bit. We forget the contexts in which we chose the actions.  Imagine yourself caught in a Tsunami struggling to find your way off the shore and then later, sitting on clean banks looking over serene, turquoise waters and tell me your "perspectives" are the same, both literally (Engineering-Graphics-101 sense :P) and figuratively! My take is: if you were to transport yourself back to the exact same situation, the script is most likely to replay itself; and all this -- not attributing to any other exogenous factor, but to your own self.

It could not, should not, would not have been any different.

So, here’s to no regrets. Here’s to not being too hard on yourself. 
But most importantly, here’s a lame justification for all your mistakes. :)

Frère Jacques..

You tend to appreciate anything after bearing with weeks of American TV channels, which, admittedly, can get exquisitely brilliant but run utter load of crap for 95% of the time. (Alright, you have Netflix, we get it!) Let me not even get started on the endorsements. They are so brain-dead and unimaginative; half of them feel like high-school skits and have absolutely no entertainment value.. And the informative ones are just completely beyond me: I mean, why have pharmaceutical ads that spend more time making serious disclaims than claims?

That could clearly be another post.. Anyhow, effectively, to-and-fro plane journey is often the best entertainment you get to have on the trip. And something that strikes a chord or touches your raw nerves is an instant hit! Like this particular ad:

[Video Courtesy: https://www.behance.net/gallery/29529685/Take-a-tour-through-the-Museum-of-Procrastination]

Long ago, Calvin told us to enjoy the deadlines just whooshing by. Come to think of it, however, it’s so much better when others set deadlines for you.. I mean, if my experience is anything to go by -- in academic life, you would either copy the assignment from your first-bencher buddy or just make something up between 11th and 12th hour. And in professional life, you seem to.. well, manage.

What this ad really talks about is the other kind of procrastination. The one that pertains to not meeting deadlines and goals of your own. Lack of persistent self-motivation is nothing short of a life-crisis!

Fortunately (or unfortunately), though, this does not seem to have affected the indomitable (and shameless) spirit of me from creating more goals. :P

So, while innumerable unread books, a kindle, sketchbooks, canvases, charcoals, watercolors, poster-colors, tennis racquet, badminton racquets, TT racquets, inline skates, a yoga mat, swimming costumes, a chess-board, a camera (A side tip: Never get frazzled by your baby sister and let her spoil your Thanksgivings door-bursting experience if she forbids you from taking that DSLR+lens combo), a harmonica, a calligraphy kit seem to be gathering layers of dust — I think it’s time for me to order a.... Convection Microwave. ;)

Allow me to put forth my case. Let me start by saying: Honesty is the best policy; and modesty, the worst. So if - a) hard-core South Indians can’t stop praising Chutney and Sambar by yours truly and b) my mom is not the only one to go gaga over my knife skills (It’s got nothing to do with motherly affection… just that she wants me to chop every single thing when I am around. Well, who’s complaining? Chopping to sub-centimeter precision is just so therapeutic!) and so on.. I think I deserve this plunge to get into a new phase of culinary adventures.. I mean, it would be just stupid to wait for an Italian to appreciate my Pasta or a Thai to admire my Green Curry! ;)

2016 might just be the year of baking for me. I can TOTALLY feel it. :P It’s still January and making resolutions never gets old-fashioned. I see you mocking me already! You know what, I am SO going to do it.. Julie-&-Julia style! :)

Hollow-scope?

Data scientists and economists exist to make astrologers feel better, they say. That planets  and palms and positions and patterns have some influence on human affairs and terrestrial events may not actually be too far-fetched from the other predictive disciplines -- if only, you want to believe.

Belief. That’s all it comes down to then, isn’t it?

Well, what?!

Is it the upbringing of a typical marathi middle-class brahmin family? Or is it that both my grandpas were purohits/astrologers by profession? I remember one incident vividly - a couple coming to our doorsteps, absolutely helpless, having lost their beloved cow. And my grandpa would ask some trivial information, look at the panchaang and say something like ”Search in North-west direction.. She is not more than 80 km away” as I sat besides, absolutely fascinated. The enchantment changed to skepticism to rude disbelief over time— as should be the course for a Science student. And if you stayed less than a kilometer away from Narendra Dabholkar’s place for most part of your formative years, there was never a question about it, was there?

Alright, they were no psychics. What they did, though, is tried to hold on to a legacy, in a very diligent, mechanical way.

Still respectable, IMO. Especially since this must be the profession marred the most by pretense, buffoonery and mediocracy. Honestly speaking, (much contrary to my current mythological reading spree) I find the concept of God as preposterous as I do narratives around Astrology, if not more. Because there's potential evidence to suggest that the latter might have been originally envisioned as something highly data-driven with at least some backing of statistics and probability theory.  How do  you, then,  tolerate a few "Messengers" of God but not those of Astrology?

(To sound like "Ancient Aliens”, the History Channel show) Is it possible that the fountainheads of this arguable “science” put an unjustified and intentional veneer and crypt around it?—  As Freemasons would potray themselves: “We are not a secret society but a society with secrets”. Should we blame it to exclusivity and selective passdown? Is it something that always did not make sense or something lost in translation? Or are we doing it a disfavor by not exploring it the right way?

Coincidences are too powerful and randomness, too beautiful. Truly, as you get to know more, you also know it better that there’s more unknown.  So while this branch may deserve your complete disregard, what it may not deserve is your arrogant censure, especially if it’s just some harmless entertainment.
You never know --  if some genuine flag-bearers of the questionable science dig it up some more, it all might turn out like magic.. To the person unaware of the sleight of hand or its existence, everything seems illogical. So till the revelation presents itself - just sit back, relax and enjoy an occasional show.

I guess what I am saying is: If you are anything like me and Bejan Daruwalla doesn’t exactly seem a very respectable "name" to go with, just try somebody else and have a good laugh about what 2016 might have in store for you.

Changing.. Rearranging..

Thin crust pizza I had the other day should have been an epitome of indulgence, as always. Why then, these days, does the heart seem to rather crave chulivarachi bhakri (not translating to avoid spoiling it for those who get it)?

Do rows of frozen desserts generate the excitement of ice-cream truck’s musical arrival during summer holidays?
Enter the neatly arranged sections of milk cartons and newspapers of that supermarket. Would you have rather preferred a daily alarm by the cheery milk-man or that whistle of the newspaper-boy?
Does a community mailbox in some centralized no-man’s lobby evoke the same emotions as the arrival of the uninformed postman?

Ha!

On one of those purely blissful evenings of heart-to-heart conversations, when you want to freeze time and let life just pass by, my cousin told me how he has occasional hallucinations about glimpses of our native home, nothing of which remains the same anymore.. I have always been a very detached person, or so people tell me. Add to that the gift of an extraordinarily abysmal memory -- but, on a quiet Saturday evening, things just seem to be melancholy.

And Nostalgia, I personally find the toughest of them all, to deal with.

Reminds me of an absolutely wonderful movie: “A Good Year”.  Well, is Ridley Scott a crazy cinematic genius or what!  And people might as well have stopped acting after Marlon Brando & Al Pacino; and Leo comes very close, but Russell Crowe is arguably the most multi-dimensional actor we have, IMO. Add to the mix, always-brilliant Marion Cotillard: probably my only girl-crush, ever. Does it get any better?**

There’s no way I could do any justice to the movie if I start writing down more, so thought would rather embed a couple of clips that appeal to me the most.
This one’s when Russell Crowe’s character, currently an extremely-high-profile investment banker in London Stock Exchange, arrives at his uncle’s dilapidated chateau that he inherits, the place where he spent most of his childhood and never bothered to return till this very moment:

And in this one, he is taking snapshots of the property in order to sell it. I somehow find it unsettling in a subtle-yet-deep sort of way:

Do I want to rant on about the supermarkets and the internet and the AI for gradual eclipses of old-world memories? Nope! The question is: If "J.A.R.V.I.S." and "Deep Thought" and other such fictional dreams have become reality (well, almost), why don't people take Dumbledore's pensieve or Asimov's time traveller more seriously?

PS:
Courtesy: clipconverter.cc could have done a better job on video quality but it's cool nevertheless!

**If I have to be a tad bit critical (just for the sake of completeness :P), it almost becomes a Videsi version of “Swades” at the end. Much like the Bollywood movie, girl is the sole trigger the guy gets all sorted, oriented and all of that. I mean, apart from the fact that this undermines the whole point, my argument is: does that ever happen in real life?

You ain't alone!

Remember days when you went through those Readers' sections from newspapers and hoped you might get some answers you seek? Not needed anymore and how! In today’s times when even aunts tell you: “Beta, aap yeh cheez google kyon nahi karate? (Why don’t you just google this?)”, the world-wide-web is your oyster!

So, there’s that exact same health advice being sought for a very specific condition;  there is a heart-breaking story of unrequited love; there is an especially quirky financial issue that needs resolution; hilarious comments/reviews that only you can totally identify with; posts that completely get you and only you can completely get!

So whether it's Stack Overflow or Quora or any other such discussion forums, you are definitely going to find some companion for your boat! In a way, web content tells you there are people who are going through similar miserable, happy, tricky, challenging, exciting times. As weird as it sounds, Internet kind of becomes your sympathizer -- even a confidant (most definitely so if you wish to contribute content yourself?). No wonder Mark Zuckerberg thinks he needs to do social psychological experiments on Facebook users and can actually tamper with people’s emotions!

Obviously there is 99.9999% of the stuff that you filter out, laugh off or don’t agree with. But the rest 0.0001% is just so uniquely relatable, it’s hard to believe it’s just statistical anomaly!

Where does this characteristic similarity of feelings/behavior/situations come from, then? A friend of mine, who excessively loves paradoxes and convolutions, keeps saying: "You are as unique as everybody else". Let’s just say: these networking sites are a good place to find some solace. Or, may be, to discover you are actually almost soulless?

Let me explain. There’s this all-time-favorite movie of mine called "Before Sunrise”. Here’s one of the many random things Ethan Hawke’s character says: (There are some loopholes.  To begin with --  I am not sure if these numbers are right; but that’s besides the point anyway.)

"50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five to six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time. You know, so at best we're like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking...I mean, is that why we're so scattered?"

(Yeah, well, I am talking about souls; I am quite cool like that! )

Isn't it an absolutely crazy thought? Looks like I need to do some soul-searching.. or "soul-surfing", if you will!