being wuman..

Last few days, there has been huge hue-and-cry over “India’s Daughter” - a BBC production featuring Delhi gang rape convicts and defence lawyers. From whatever little snippets of it that I have watched, the documentary, unfortunately, seems as gut-wrenching and horrendously disdainful as the incident itself (might have been well-intentioned on the creators' part, I concede) Things like these just make you wonder — Would humanity ever see light of the day when violence against women will stop? When consent will prevail over machismo? When conscience will prevail over whim?

Security or well-being for women, however, is just the tip of the iceberg that is gender equality. And, with the latter, honestly, I have no hope at all. This inequality is so naturally ingrained and hard-coded in all our DNAs that it’s hard (if not impossible) to mutate it.

I watched an interview of Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg and I think she might have said something very simple yet profound — “It’s so interesting — Cultures are so different around the world;  except around gender.”  

That’s how, at least, I, interpret this comic :-

A couple of months back, we had an instructor coming down from US for an external training and as it turned out,  I was the only woman amongst around 13-14 in the class. Now, I honestly have nothing against Americans but I hate all their hypocrisy and patronizing attitude towards everybody else. In the lunch-break, he asked me - “So what’s the gender ratio like, in the workforce around here?” I was quick at repartee - “I think it’s better than that of the US”. After around five seconds of calming down, I further clarified: “I have been with this company for about five and half years and this is the only company I have worked with, so I have nothing else to compare it to, but I feel the ratio is quite healthy and unless I am in denial — I don’t sense any gender discrimination”. Now, the way I began that answer, it was quite obvious I was very much in defensive mode. It’s amazing how, sometimes, we end up saying things people can clearly see through. The problem is — if you ask me that question again, my answer won’t be any different. Not only because that’s what DENIAL means, but the fact that - I (and so many others) have taken it for granted that I (/we) will have to go an extra mile for proving my (/our) worth and getting the same opportunity as my (/our) male counter-parts. I, personally, might have been mentally preparing myself for it, but is it right to expect so from every woman?

Here’s what Jennifer Garner once said — “Every single person who interviewed me, and I mean it - every single person, asked me, “How do you balance work and family? As for work-life balance, Ben said no one asked him about it that day. As a matter of fact, no one had ever asked him about it. And we do share the same family. Isn’t it time to change that conversation?"

I am not saying women are better than men. I am not saying women can do everything men can. And I genuinely do not believe so. That’s hardly the point, though. The moot question is —  In all walks of life, why are women constantly being judged on a different scale? Why are the benchmarks and standards different across genders? Cynical, as it may seem, but I don’t relish how educated gentlemen celebrate Women’s day by saying they are so very grateful to women, how men would be nowhere without women and how and why they think all women are super-women.. (and blah blah.. Come on, you have enough content on FB and WhatsApp today!)

I am asking: Why do we want every woman to be a super-woman? Aren’t we just like men - ordinary, fallible human-beings?