Then and Now..

Time takes toll on all friendships; even the best ones fail to endure its test. Chats get occasional; phone calls, few and far between; get-togethers, rare. They say you should accept the best times of your life as nice, little, finite chapters and just move on.  Can’t be helped - people disperse; but memories are locked in for ever.. Once in a while, it’s nice to open that box, to reminisce and ponder over paths these lives take.

Ten years is a long long time.. People transform – in appearance and outlook (but this journey down the memory lane would have me believe the very core of the person still remains the same). So here goes a very subjective (and judgemental – can’t help) then-and-now view of a bunch of crazy friends I made during the best two years of my life.

Anish

Then: A stereotypical nerd. Razor sharp wit and memory often practiced to the point of exhaustion and annoyance of everybody around..  

Now: Still all those things; plus the only reason I am aware of Taher-Shahs and Dhinchak-Poojas [sic] of the world.

Gaurav

Then: A definition of laid back, easygoing, happy-go-lucky. A thorough gentleman. I am yet to meet a soul who was intentionally hurt by this guy.

Now: (From where I see..) could not have married a more similar person. I have a feeling they might score perfect on those compatibility tests. My only complaint with him is that he never has time to meet! (Can’t believe I haven’t yet seen his daughter.)

Manasi

Then: My most favorite room-mate (that’s saying a lot.. and she knows it!). A typical first bencher. Always in a hurry to do something, get somewhere. Watching those Federer-Nadal matches in Bharani hostel’s TV room with her are some of my fondest memories from IISc days.

Now: A person who busts the myth of you-cannot-do-it-all. And doing it all also includes running around Tanmay, her 4-year old son! BTW, I am still a bit a(u)nt-sy that she did not take my suggestion for his name. You have to agree with me on this - Amol+Manasi = Aman would have been (admittedly a bit Brangelina style, but) so perfect!

Mukta

Then: A madcap. Her definition of “wild” was eating bhuttas (roasted corn) on the streets of Malleshwaram. (That reminds me-) A girl with erratic, whimsical and worrisome diet and sleep patterns. On a more selfish note, a person I absolutely needed to meet. There is a lot to be grateful for here that’s hard to put into words - she had an impact on me in ways that I cannot possibly ever recognize or acknowledge.  

Now: I am hoping Aditya has managed to make her diet regime more humane. After years of professional commitments forcing them to juggle between continents, they finally seem to have (somewhat) settled in Oxford. Last time we met, I told her she is getting ever wiser and wiser (except that idea of seriously considering life-long post-doc). All in all, a major envy alert!

Onkar

Then: The chosen one to have a face like Danielle Radcliffe. He is one of those people you would want to strike an argument with, just for the fun of it. Our fights about him terming Nadal as the GOAT were legendary and brutal.

Now: No longer the chosen one - as male-pattern baldness seems to be catching up fast on him ;). And I am guessing Samta is using the argumentative side of hers to her most amusement. Also, how surreal that the GOAT part is still unsettled. Or is it?

Pallavi

Then: A sweetheart. A poster-girl of ideal daughter, sister, friend (and all such other titles you can think of). This is the kind that usually irks me a little because I can’t stand it when others take advantage of them.

Now: Still a sweetheart, who now conscientiously decides to be well-behaved. I like this version of hers even better.

Prajakta:

Then: Rumor has it that she made grey sweaters (in)famous on campus. For years, I have been planning to sit her down and explain how she is a model example of what they call – a fundamental attribution error. Or how aptitude is nothing without attitude (and all those similar things..)

Now: She continues to bear the brunt of my worst versions just because of (what I think is) sheer indiscipline and laziness. Enough of all that, though. Here comes the best part – in spite of having seen me play badminton, swim and dance (and some of it in 15kg heavier version of me), she thinks I have a “swag” about me. Just for that legendary comment, she warrants my life-long unconditional love. Not kidding, I hope she knows I was and will always be sincerely rooting for her. 

Pushkaraj

Then: A classic case of spending energy and talent in trivial pursuits, for the most part. A compiler of comprehensive database of all girls around campus. As a follow-up, also one of the pioneers of transforming Marathi Mandal in a marriage bureau.

Now: Another person on list of people-who-get-onto-my-nerves. Don’t even get me started. Yesterday, he interrogated me on effectiveness of my Aloe Vera gel, almost gave me a lesson on selection of right kadhai type (I promptly changed it) and told me that iPad user experience is below par. I cannot fathom how Pallavi manages to stand him 24x7. (BTW, what a lucky ******* to have patao-ed her!). On a more respectable note, so happy that both of them have completed their PhDs and ready to move abroad to do their post-docs. (Lately, I have this realization that I am going to feel truly alone once they do so.) I know deep down that I will miss them the most.

Ravi

Then: Weirdly enough (because I still don’t completely understand why exactly we got along so well), my closest confidant through the years. My go-to sounding board. With his in-your-face honesty and sarcasm, at times, he gave me an impression that he probably understood me better than I understood myself. [Convenient-slip-in-alert:] He once told me I am like a coconut – hard on the outside but all soft and mushy inside. That was an one-off thing, though. I mostly just hated it when he was right.

Now: A little birdie told me one of the things worrying him (I know Juthika is no part of this) the most these days is how to avoid his friends from taking temporary shelter at their place in bay area. (I am just going to ignore this detail in my next trip) Here’s hoping we get to catch up sometime soon!

Swati

Then: First things first- I have recently been informed that outsiders regarded her as the beauty queen of Marathi Mandal! A girl with heart on her sleeve. I mean, come on, she liked Mysore the second we stepped out of the bus. Best part- she was the only other person who knew all old Hindi and Marathi songs by heart and would have me ruin them with her. All in all, though, I gave her some really tough time with all my incessant jibes and japes.

Now:  Where is this girl?  The last memory I have of her is our big showdown on which movie is better – Ram-Leela or Hasee Toh Phasee. I concede a movie date is not negotiable anymore. But surely, we could just meet at a coffee shop (that sells only one type of it).

Vinay

Then: My partner-in-crime in convincing people to get out for trips and treks.  Apart from being unfairly talented, he had this aura of calm and peace around himself – a combination so rare.  Unarguably the person who managed to call me “Mita” the best way.

Now: Busy, busy, busy. I am told he has lately spent more time with his lab-monkeys than with humans. Anyway, amongst whatever humans he is hanging around with, I am certain he is the most admired and loved. Well, I am guessing the inner-peace situation must have gone for a toss since Prajakta came around.

Vishal

Then: He could talk to anybody and everybody, and anybody and everybody (read, mostly girls) wanted to talk anything and everything with him. Which also meant he was the glue holding the group together – I will give him that;  but I honestly don’t know why we let him boss around so much. E.g. Not that he was a typical Mumbaikar in any definition of the word, but for some reason he cracked up way too many jokes on me being a small-town (actually his exact word was “village”) girl. (For the record, Satara is a major district place and may even get a Maha-Nagar-Palika soon! True story.). Seriously - my laptop, my accent, my looks, nothing was spared... So this is my time to expose him: Apparently, his mother once asked him not to open a new 100gm carton of Amul butter and manage with the current one; but he would hear none of it. Aunty then warned him that if he opens the new carton, he will have to eat all of the butter. This guy - he had the entire thing sandwiched in two slices of bread. Eww! (Not that it’s needed; but to put it in perspective,) he directly consumed the amount of butter in five minutes, that I may not have consumed in last five years! The day I heard this incident, I made a note to myself not to (for the lack of better phrase) take any panga with this guy.

Now: Still a glue that manages to get people together. I don’t have a first-hand account of his interest in Australians and vice-versa, yet. The tables have turned a little bit - I am more on the offensive side and he is more on the sensitive side. I am not sure if I completely like it that way, though. 

Cheers, guys and gals! Here's to a decade of friendship..

A Theory for Everything

They say if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But then they also say if you aren’t moving forward, then you are moving backward.

If all good things come to those who wait, what do they mean by time and tide waiting for none?

If birds of a feather flock together, how is it that opposites attract?

If out of sight means out of mind, how does absence make the heart grow fonder?

If action speaks louder than words, how, if I may ask, is pen mightier than the sword?

Is more, really the merrier or do too many cooks spoil the broth?

Proverbs are these time-tested nuggets of theories passed down through generations. Turns out there is one to suit every occasion - to justify everything and anything. Is it surprising, at all then, that proverbial wisdom contradicts itself so much?

And what do they normally say when these theories don’t work?

· The Context argument: The situational dispositions are to blame. This is the classic asterisk of “T & C apply”. The problem is, situational factors are often way too many and mostly unknown, so what good are the rules anyway?

·  The Exception argument*: Exceptions only prove the rule. WHAT? HOW?

· The Moderation argument*: Don’t go to extremes while adopting rules but maintain a balance -- like those boon-or-bane essays in high-school that always used to end by recommending "middle-ground" and "thoughtfulness".

Here's the thing: man’s unrelenting search for meaning and explanation has meant survival, sophistication and splendid, splendid progress. However, some argue we have taken it a bit too far, with all our excessive self-assurance. The not-so-intelligent application of abstract reasoning, whether inductive (establishing generic rules from specific observations) or deductive (exploiting general theories to get to specific conclusions) has led to us being "narrow-minded slaves of logic".

The problem is that we often try to attach a sense of universality and timelessness to the conventionally acquired wisdom. Karl Popper, a prominent philosopher, relied on falsifiability of theories – he propounded that all theories have a permanent sense of uncertainty and should be considered only "tentatively" true. Any number of positive evidences do not make the theory permanently true whereas a single negative evidence is decisive and implies that a new theory is needed for explanation of the phenomenon. This is a paradigm shift; more like turning traditional idea about knowledge on its head - (this might be a poor example, but) imagine a legal system that never completely acquits the defendant and names the person only tentatively innocent for all his life.

Are we doomed then? Are we to understand it’s all always going to be ambiguous? Is Popper suggesting we can't completely anticipate/explain things and so must resign our quest of knowledge to this meaninglessness? 

Quite the opposite, actually. 

There's a fine line between skepticism and gullibility and that's ideally where you want to be. I guess what he is saying is -

It’s less about knowing, and more about learning.

Less about believing, more about seeking.

Less about reaching, more about exploring.

Less about the destination, more about the journey.

PS:

*Nassim Nicholas  Taleb's (henceforth referred to as NNT) “The Black Swan” is the most influential non-fiction book I have ever read. As opposed to conventional wisdom that recommends ignoring exceptions, removing outliers and fitting “normal” “models”, NNT stresses the importance of studying rare events and fat-tailed distributions for a broader and deeper long-term understanding. (Actually, this whole area of complex systems, chaos and nonlinear dynamics seems very very relevant across all domains and theories). NNT, in fact, advocates dealing in extremes for achieving optimal results. (Truth be told, Mathematics throws me off a little bit lately, what I understand is that the best thing for me is to alternate between Quattro Formaggi Burst and fasting ;)). Anyway, it's only fitting that people either completely adore or loathe his school of thought. :)